Greetings and Salutations
Can we really get through this?
This one is rough. All over the world parent, children, couples, single people the elderly, are trying to figure this out. Will we ever be normal again?
Can we go back to the way things were? We cannot. We can only move forward. With the love, friendship, kindness and wisdom we will come through - scared and changed but wiser and with gratitude.
Pray for those who work hard to safe lives, who give food and comfort, who deliver our packages, who must work and those who have lost work. Remember our ancestors how they relied on their belief in life and family, laughter and joy.
Separation and or divorce is very difficult. Parents grieve and so do the children. Why grief? For the parents it is often grieving the loss of a dream, of a family together, the loss of hopes, the family is broken, seen as irreparable For the children, grief is often associated with the loss of the family, the togetherness, feelings of security.
One solution to heal the grief is Co-parenting. When parents agree to cooperate for the good of the children - healing can begin.
Ruminations THOUGHTS THAT WON'T GO AWAY
Today let’s talk about Ruminations. Playing that tape over and over in our heads.
Yep, we have all been there. We mess up, make a mistake, say the wrong thing, but can’t take it back. Or we keep seeing that critical comment on social media, reliving that awful moment. We replay events and comments over and over in our heads. It is important to reflect on events but we feel terrible when we are unable to stop the self blame and that tape keeps playing over and over again. How do we stop it?
Self Distancing as an effective way of coping with and conquering rumination. (Amy L. Eva, 2017, in the Greater Good Magazine published by UC Berkley)
Simply put Self Distancing is stepping back from the emotional situation. Our emotions are strong because we are immersed in the situation. If we step back we can see ourselves more objectively. In self distancing we can see ourselves, our behaviors, responses and make better sense of the situation and why we reacted the way we did.
People who were able to self distance reduced their stress level, because they were less aggressive, less angry, and had reduced feelings of shame and guilt.
There are 4 ways to self distance.
1.Visualize an Observer
Imagine the situation with another person playing your role. Choose a person you admire. How would that person handle the situation? Another technique is to become a fly on the wall, observe how the situation played out.
2.Self Talk – Avoid Using Pronouns
Use third person, “he”, “she” when talking yourself through the rumination.
Research shows that it is even better to use your own name.
3.Write about the distressing event. Research says it really works!
Writing it out gives you the opportunity to be an observer and reporter of the situation. It is especially effective if you write in the third person e.g. “She (or your name) did this rather than I did this”. Writing it out will help you to find the cause and “why” something is happening.
4.Do Future Thinking
Mental time travel is a form of self distancing. Ask yourself: is this going to really matter next week? How will I feel about this situation next year? Time travel is helpful because it takes you away from here and now to the future, allowing you to put things in perspective and get emotional breathing room.
If you would like to read the full article here is the link:
Let me know if this was helpful to you